Last night on television there was a Russian-produced documentary on the lives of Russian "mail order brides" in the United States. I missed the first part of the program (being in my room, sewing buttons on that crazy coat Nina M gave me), but I saw about 3/4 of it. I was surprised at how many different points of view were shown (often such Russian shows tend to be heavily biased, either wholly for or wholly against something). The show mentioned success stories, mediocre marriages, and the case of Anastasia Solovieva King (about which I have written before), who was murdered by her American husband whom she met via the internet. After the show, Nina M and I sat and talked about what we had just seen, and she had some very interesting and rather conflicting opinions on the subject.
She talked about her life, how when she was young and in college (back in the days of the USSR), she knew that when she graduated, she would have a job. Period. This was never something she ever doubted or questioned. She knew that she would be working as a German teacher in Vladimir several months before she earned her degree; she did not have to worry about finding work. She said that even though her salary was small, it was enough to live on and it was enough to purchase everything she needed and to have a nice, decent life. Nowadays, when Russian students graduate from college, they have a very, very difficult time finding work, and many end up in unskilled, low-paying jobs, such as trolleybus conductor (person who collects the money from passengers). Due to inflation, it is next to impossible to survive on such low-paying jobs, much less live well. She said that she cannot blame young women, with all of their lives ahead of them, for looking to other countries for opportunities to live well. She completely understood their motives; however, she said that when these women leave behind their friends, family members, and their culture, they should not be surprised if they are unhappy in their new lives.
One of the women interviewed on the program was still with her American husband, but was unhappy. She seemed thoroughly disillusioned that her "wealthy American husband" lived in a dirty, low-quality trailer. Nina M said that many, many Russians are convinced that all Americans are wealthy and that life is easy and happy for all Americans. (I too have heard this from many Russians.) We discussed some of the problems in the US - like the fact that many Americans do live in such poor-quality mobile homes, or in public housing, and that many Americans also have a hard time finding work. (I told her about the deer job. You know, the six months I spent ripping jaw bones out of dead deer for minimum wage. Glamorous.) I completely understand that life in Russia is a lot harder on average, although the point wasn't to say that our problems were equal, but that all countries everywhere have problems. Nina M went on for a good while about the importance of realizing that societies everywhere suffer from different ailments, and that anyone who travels to another country thinking that life there will be perfect is simply foolish.
There is simply no way that any sane, rational person can view the story of Anastasia King without revulsion. I had read of her murder (which led to the International Marriage Broker Regulation Act, which has yet to be passed by congress), although watching the segment on it last night was simply horrifying. Aside from the creepy fact that the beautiful young Russian woman had married an overweight, unattractive fellow who was at least twice her age, he made all of these creepy videos of her (which were shown on the program), including sections where he was forcing her to kiss him in front of the camera, obviously against her will. Both Nina M and I were in shock after watching the footage and the tale of her murder (Russian TV tends to be a bit more graphic than American TV).
Anastasia was King's second "mail order bride" - his first had left him and filed a restraining order against him. Before coming to the US, any criminal history Anastasia might have had would have, by law, been told to King; however, King's criminal history was not revealed to Anastasia, because there is no law requiring that such information be passed on to potential spouses. The IMBRA would change that, although its passage seems unlikely. Nina M seemed to think that it was only fair that if the Russian is required to undergo a background check, the American do the same. She did not seem to see why anyone other than a criminal would oppose such a law.
As I said, the show was fairly well rounded, and they interviewed a couple (young Russian wife, middle-aged American man) who were happily married. The man (the author of a book entitled To Russia For Love, which is not listed at Amazon.com) made a point of saying that if you marry a Russian woman, you have to realize that she is from a very different and very rich culture, and that it is important to understand and appreciate her culture and to incorporate parts of her culture into your life. Nina M seemed to think that such marriages were rare, although she reiterated her comment that given the current situation in Russia, even an unhappy marriage abroad might be preferable to life here, happy marriage or no.
She talked about her life, how when she was young and in college (back in the days of the USSR), she knew that when she graduated, she would have a job. Period. This was never something she ever doubted or questioned. She knew that she would be working as a German teacher in Vladimir several months before she earned her degree; she did not have to worry about finding work. She said that even though her salary was small, it was enough to live on and it was enough to purchase everything she needed and to have a nice, decent life. Nowadays, when Russian students graduate from college, they have a very, very difficult time finding work, and many end up in unskilled, low-paying jobs, such as trolleybus conductor (person who collects the money from passengers). Due to inflation, it is next to impossible to survive on such low-paying jobs, much less live well. She said that she cannot blame young women, with all of their lives ahead of them, for looking to other countries for opportunities to live well. She completely understood their motives; however, she said that when these women leave behind their friends, family members, and their culture, they should not be surprised if they are unhappy in their new lives.
One of the women interviewed on the program was still with her American husband, but was unhappy. She seemed thoroughly disillusioned that her "wealthy American husband" lived in a dirty, low-quality trailer. Nina M said that many, many Russians are convinced that all Americans are wealthy and that life is easy and happy for all Americans. (I too have heard this from many Russians.) We discussed some of the problems in the US - like the fact that many Americans do live in such poor-quality mobile homes, or in public housing, and that many Americans also have a hard time finding work. (I told her about the deer job. You know, the six months I spent ripping jaw bones out of dead deer for minimum wage. Glamorous.) I completely understand that life in Russia is a lot harder on average, although the point wasn't to say that our problems were equal, but that all countries everywhere have problems. Nina M went on for a good while about the importance of realizing that societies everywhere suffer from different ailments, and that anyone who travels to another country thinking that life there will be perfect is simply foolish.
There is simply no way that any sane, rational person can view the story of Anastasia King without revulsion. I had read of her murder (which led to the International Marriage Broker Regulation Act, which has yet to be passed by congress), although watching the segment on it last night was simply horrifying. Aside from the creepy fact that the beautiful young Russian woman had married an overweight, unattractive fellow who was at least twice her age, he made all of these creepy videos of her (which were shown on the program), including sections where he was forcing her to kiss him in front of the camera, obviously against her will. Both Nina M and I were in shock after watching the footage and the tale of her murder (Russian TV tends to be a bit more graphic than American TV).
Anastasia was King's second "mail order bride" - his first had left him and filed a restraining order against him. Before coming to the US, any criminal history Anastasia might have had would have, by law, been told to King; however, King's criminal history was not revealed to Anastasia, because there is no law requiring that such information be passed on to potential spouses. The IMBRA would change that, although its passage seems unlikely. Nina M seemed to think that it was only fair that if the Russian is required to undergo a background check, the American do the same. She did not seem to see why anyone other than a criminal would oppose such a law.
As I said, the show was fairly well rounded, and they interviewed a couple (young Russian wife, middle-aged American man) who were happily married. The man (the author of a book entitled To Russia For Love, which is not listed at Amazon.com) made a point of saying that if you marry a Russian woman, you have to realize that she is from a very different and very rich culture, and that it is important to understand and appreciate her culture and to incorporate parts of her culture into your life. Nina M seemed to think that such marriages were rare, although she reiterated her comment that given the current situation in Russia, even an unhappy marriage abroad might be preferable to life here, happy marriage or no.
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